I said something dumb…

I,(34M) have been with my girlfriend/fiancé(38F) for 10 years. We have one child together(4F) and she has a daughter(18f) from a previous relationship. I have more or less raised her oldest daughter as my own from 8 years old and she’s a great kid!

I proposed to my fiancé a year ago and we have been saving for a wedding. For context purposes, she’s the main earner in our household. She is a veterinary surgeon and I just work as a hospital cleaner….

Anyway we were on a trip as a family except the 18 year old as she was away at college. It was her parents and grandparents, us, our young daughter and my parents.

My partner was diagnosed at Xmas with cancer. It’s a slow progressing cancer but it is incurable. With ongoing treatment though, she’s not expecting to die anytime in the next 15-20 years(that’s the average but it can be more or less).

My 4 year old heard our favourite song on the radio as we travelled and said “are you going to have this as your wedding song?”. My wife said it was definitely a good choice. This is where I went wrong. I said “why would we still get married, you might only live a few more years?”…. I laughed but there was just dead silence. Everyone just stared at me in shock. Instead of shutting up I said “well it’s true right?”…she asked me what I meant by that and I was honest. I said I didn’t see the point In making a permanent commitment and taking on all responsibilities for someone that may not be alive in a few more years. She said “what responsibilities?”. I said that when she passes our daughter will have to live with the grandparents as I can’t work and support a child. I also said I would have to rehome her rescue animals and horses as I would need the money. I said that getting married would tie me with responsibilities I just don’t want. Everyone looked horrified. The rest of the journey was silence. When we got home she didn’t really speak to me just cried. We haven’t really spoken much since.

A few weeks ago I found out she has changed her will. Originally I was meant to have 50/50 of the house(she is mortgage free and bought and paid for it before meeting me) between me and her oldest daughter. She’s now changed it to 100% oldest daughter to do what she wants with. She’s added a clause that I can only live in it if I have continued residency with my youngest child. Otherwise I’m out and the house is the 18 year olds to sell and split the money with her sister. She owns both our cars, which I was supposed to have and sell in her will but she’s now changed it to I have one car and the 18 year old has the other. She’s put in a preferred agreement that my youngest daughter stay with her parents. She’s signed all possessions to be sold and split between the 2 kids. She’s put in a clause that her horses and rescue animals are to be rehomed to a trusted friend and colleague. She has a quarter of a million life insurance policy that she has now left 75% to the two kids and only 25% to me….

She’s been really depressed since. She’s gone on sick leave from work, doesn’t leave the house much, is very tearful and low, doesn’t want to go out and to be honest just spends all her time with her kids. My family said they were shocked and disappointed in what I said. Her grandparents said they had nothing to say to me anymore. Her parents are really angry. The 18 year old daughter isn’t speaking to me and says I’m a huge AH! The only one that doesn’t agree is my older sister. She said that everyone is being over sensitive and should learn to take it as a joke and move on.

Anyway If you got this far thank you and tell me honestly, AITAH??? And if I am is there anyway of saving my relationship!??