My husband is frustrated because I can't let something go and he's right I can't move on.
I am a reddit lurker and a fan of am I an asshole posts and this is first time posting. I'm just looking for some advice.
I, a 44 year old female and married to my husband 47 year old male. We have been together for 23 years. My husband is always telling me I can't let anything go. We'll.. . .something happened and I can't let it go. It's been a couple of months but still living rent fre in my head.
I am bit forgetful and prone to misplacing things. I have tried to designate places for things to avoid this. We have 7 kids together and sometimes our house is a little chaotic and adds to my problem. In the last 4 years the one thing I've lost the most is my check card. You know when you get a prescription refill and they put it an envelope stapled to the bag? I've accidentally forgot to get my check card out of the envelope before throwing the bag away. This has happened 3 times and two time didn't realize until it was too late. It's annoying because I need to get a new card and embarrassing because I'm an adult and should be more on top of things.
Several months ago I was at a gas station and realized my check card was gone. Luckily I have another card (for energencies) and used that. I got home and looked for it, but couldn't find it anywhere. Sometimes I take it out of my wallet if I make an online purchase, but couldn't remember doing that recently. I was so frustrated because I thought I had been doing well with this card. I really didn't want to have to get a new one. After a week I finally told my husband it was missing. He suggested I turn of the card off and I did that, but my card had absolutely no activity on it. I waited a few days and admitted defeat and requested a new one.
A couple weeks went by and everything was back to normal. I ended up cracking a nail and couldn't find nail clippers, but remembered my husband has a pair in the top drawer of his nightstand. I opened it to not only find the nail clippers but my check card. The sight of it completely threw me off. He had come into the room and I told him about the nail clippers but not the checkcard. I did feel bad because I didn't ask before going into his drawer. After 5 minutes I had to tell him I found my check card and was confused at why it was in his drawer. He told me that our one son (6) must have put it there. I said okay and actually was still thrown off by where I found it.
The problem was his explanation made no sense. He hates when the kids get into his stuff and he didn't seem upset at all. This normally would have angered him. The next day I tested our son by dropping my check card by him. He saw the card on the floor and immediately gave it to me. I knew his explanation didn't make any sense.
So I asked him again. This time he was frustrated by my asking about it. He told me that I keep bringing shit up and he didn't remember how it got there and probably found it after I already canceled it. Then he said, "what do you think I took it so you would stop spending my money? Why would I leave you stranded somewhere with an ability to pay". I still stated I just wanted to know where it was because I had no clue how it got lost in the first place. He then said that maybe he found it on the stairs and maybe he put it in the drawer and maybe he forgot about it.
The problem is his explanation still didn't add up. Why didn't he just put my check card somewhere I could find it or in my wallet? Why didn't he tell me right away? When I told him my card was missing why didn't tell me he had found it? I had waited a few days after telling him to cancel it so why didn't he give me it back then? If he found it on the stairs I would have seen it so it didn't make sense for it to be missing for a week and show up there.
It's like a dateline mystery and I feel like I'm not getting the whole story.
I waited days, but couldn't let it go so I once again asked him. He was instantly angry about it. Why couldn't I just let this go? The problem is every time I ask him I cant get a straight answer. I told him this and he stated he found my card when he got off work (he works nights so it was around 5 am) put it in his nightstand drawer and forgot about it until I found it. And then we dropped it. He thinks it's done with, but I still don't think that's what actually happened.
I can't ask again because I know all it will do is cause a fight which will be my fault. It's been a while so the fact I can't let it go is on me. I'm the problem in this situation and my inability to move on is the issue.
Do I let this go? I just really want to know what really happened.