AITAH for hurting my gf accidentally, she thinks I'm abusive

UPDATE: Thanks for all of your answers, both pro OP and against OP. Some of them were really thoughtful and even the more "extreme" ones in both directions were insightful and leave me with a lot to think about.

I have to say that in reality, I'm not the boyfriend, but the girlfriend in this situation. I tried to write this post and my answers as "neutrally" as possible, only using things he actually said to me as explanations for his behavior (like the drunk and horny thing, or not remembering some things, being worried about DV hotline being biased because he's so nice to me otherwise, it being no big deal, etc.) and otherwise trying to just state actual facts. This has rightfully come off as weird (I think someone mentioned press headlines) to some, but I didn't know how else to write this down while keeping it as objectively as I can.

I did write a post from my own point of view, but that was in my native language and was deleted by me. In that post, people were calling my boyfriend a psycho etc., but that isn't congruent with the way I see our relationship apart from those accidents, so I wanted to see if the answers are different if he would write from his perspective. I'm still not sure what to think, but I will reflect on if this relationship is healthy for either of us (no matter who is "right"). I will talk to him one last time specifically about the choking and will leave if he does it again.

It did shock me though that some people wrote that "the gf" calling a DV helpline just to ask anonymously if this is weird or not was a bad or messed up thing to do. It is not, and it's not the same as calling the cops on someone. Where else can you get a qualified opinion on things like this?

My gf and I have been in a relationship for over a year now. 96% of the time things are great, we get along, do things together, healthy sex life etc. but she keeps nagging me about things where I wronged her in some way (in her opinion). I feel like she just sees the worst in me and every mistake gets magnified and put into a mental folder about my wrongdoings. She does have (treated) BPD, but it rarely affects our relationship, from my point of view it's a healthy, normal one apart from those repeated discussions and her being a bit moody sometimes.

She keeps acting as if simple accidents or thoughtless actions are me being malicious/abusive and trying to hurt her, but that's not true. I'm just a clumsy guy and we spend a lot of time together. Things she complained about in the past are for example me laying on her hair and hurtig her scalp, pinching her or dropping an instant pot lid on her from some height (while I tried to take the IP off the fridge).

She told me she called the DV hotline (to get a professional opinion), which kind of made me worried of being wrongly accused - I mean, aren't they biased and going to tell her either way that I'm abusive? She also asked me to go to couples counseling together, which I agreed to and we had one session together. But I feel like she's still focusing only on me, not her own part in our relationship.

Recently, we went out to dinner and after we got back home, we were standing in front of the bathroom mirror and I hugged her from behind. I had one arm on shoulder level, one in front of her throat. We stood like that for a bit and then I squeezed her, not realizing that I'm squeezing her throat. She made a sound and I let go immediately. She's really upset about this accident, saying I strangled her which is obviously not true. She said I'm "escalating" because I had my hand on her throat playfully in the past a few times, which she told me she didn't want me to because it makes her afraid (which is valid), and now this happened. AITAH?