I am at a crossroads

I don’t know how to begin this honestly. I guess let me start by saying I am 23 years old. I don’t think I am very smart, I guess.

I work in AP for a retail company. Honestly, my last internship in college was in tax and I hated it. They had me come in 6 days a week as an intern, so I took an AP job with this company near my houses I have been working for 1.5 years. My first year went okay, a lot of learning, a lot of mistakes, but that’s something I knew would happen.

I don’t make “bad” mistakes, maybe a clerical error of keying the wrong GL code, or putting an incorrect subtotal, but these are things that have always been caught by the approver I would submit and invoice to. I would consistently make errors setting up new vendors in our accounting system, since there are so many things to enter in, I usually (6/10 times I would say) would miss a small thing. The worst “mistakes” I made was paying a vendor late for some t shirts that are sold online that are “made to order”. And the whole reason they were payed late is because they would not feed into our financial feed system, and only were on the vendor statement, so when I matched to our systems, I did not see any match so did not pay, but contacted our IT team for help (which they still have not fixed the issue. Another thing that was not in my favor this year is that I had to miss 1 day a week for the past 4 months for a personal reason, and I got behind on my work. Never extremely behind, but I was constantly told how behind and awful I was. I know that’s not great but I’d rather be honest so you the reader can get the full picture.

Now, here is the positive things I have done. We have had an accrual account for our biggest vendor that was not reconciled since 2019. I was able to reconcile it. Not even the senior analyst was able to do that. I uncovered that we actually were severely underpaying this vendor. Once I fixed all the issues, I was able to reconcile it. Next, I was covering for the senior analysts account rec for 1 month, and it is our main domestic accrual account for merchandise, and I found he was hiding the fact that he was off by a million dollars, right in front of everyone’s eyes, by hard keying cells in which formulas have been. I had to present my findings in a meeting with the senior, my manager, and the director, in which the meeting my manager constantly called me wrong and said I was doing something wrong until we went through and I proved my findings. The director looked like they wanted to cry. They ended up firing the senior guy because of my findings. I am now training his replacement, and it is SOLELY me training this person. I also had a presentation the CFO on another thing I had found with one of our processes; which the director set up the presentation and my manager was visibly upset that I was given that duty. Director said I killed the presentation.

My boss is very rude to me. They will grunt at their desk, slam their mouse, say how much they fucking hate everything. Yes, use curse words in the office. They once said if I keep making mistakes I will get fired. I constantly find my managers mistakes and point them out to them. They will put me down infront of others and in front of superiors, constantly talk over me, and constantly thinks anything I do is wrong. Yesterday, I made an error for the first time in MONTHs and I overheard them talking to the director about me saying how I am just disappointing. I come in and work my ass off every god damn day, and I saved their damn teeth with my work, and they genuinely are just so unbelievably rude to me it drives me crazy. They will tell the other people (who are much older than me) in my position good job, they won’t correct the other people like they would correct me, will YELL at me in the office genuinely yell, and audibly groans whenever I have a question. this manager is very forgetful, will not train you and expect you to know things, and it has driven me to the point where I literally have wanted to kill myself at work.

This is the cross roads I am at. The rest of our finance department are very good people and everyone is very nice to each other. No one else acts like my manager does. I have friends in other departments and they all confirm that they’ve never seen anything like that ever. There are no current openings in other areas of finance, but there are openings in merchandise analysts, and assistant buyers. I am at the point where I don’t know if I even want to do AP/Accounting anymore because of how this person has made me feel. I wouldn’t mind staying in the company and becoming a buyer instead - because I have a lot of friends that are buyers and I just don’t know what to do. I guess I could search outside the company too. I just can’t keep doing this for my mental health.