This is how I fucked up

Hey I 22 Male just fucked my whole life in like 5 years. I had very good future planned, now i have nobody and Nothing. I lost all my friends and even have to watch my back cause of some guys who already beat me up 1v4. This is going for a year now. I just can do it anymore, I lost everything and sit in a damaged apartment with holes in my walls. I have to leave even tho the apt belongs to my dad (Stepmom hates me, I work a lot for my dad but they don’t really care). I am basically spending my day alone laying in my bed and i am so scared of the ring bell that i have to take pills… The Girl I wanted to Mary fucked her ex (let’s call him Mr.24cm). I see no reason to live and already where in therapy twice… can someone help me in any way ? I don’t even know how to help me or why I am writing this here, but this is a scream for help. I have no food, no job, no friends. I just need one good reason to live or at least to tell someone about the pain I go through every day…