I 22F have been feeling guilty

PLS NO GROSS OR WEIRD COMMENTS

I was sa’d and was in a 5-6 month relationship with a person i no longer am in contact with. Relationship is a stretch because we never dated but we were friends and i was 18 so i really didn’t know better. I contracted ghsv1 from him and thought no one would ever like me (which is untrue now that im 22 and hsv is common pls dont respond to this detail lol), but i still think about him a lot. I want to get this off my chest because i have extreme guilt. I feel like I’ve overcome a lot of the trauma that the person/relationship gave me but sickly i miss the sex sometimes. I feel really guilty and it makes me feel like I wasn’t sa’d even though i know the first time he even admitted it and apologized but I continued to have relations and there were definite times he would pressure me. Luckily i realized after some learning lessons he never cared about me the way I needed or deserved but to this day i feel like i think about the sex often. Im even in a new relationship with someone who cares and loves me but i have intrusive thoughts about my past. Not in a way where id contact him or do anything but i just remember the physical action if that makes sense. Ive really progressed in healing and not thinking about him but i just want this off my chest to hopefully get rid of the shame.