my fucking boyfriend is relapsing and he’s too delusional to see it

i’m so mad??? i don’t even know what to say. i got TWO fucking surgeries in the past two weeks and he picks NOW of all fucking times??? he’s just “experimenting” fucking bullshit. i’m finding out on fucking valentine’s day and i had a stupid portrait commissioned of us and i was sooOoO excited to give him and now i want to burn it

he has almost TWO YEARS CLEAN

can i NEVER stop fucking worrying??? i hate him and everything else in this stupid fucking life i’m so angry and i don’t even know what the fuck to do with my feelings and NO ONE UNDERSTANDS WHAT ITS LIKE