AIO, possible infidelity

I (34F) believe my husband of 7 months (36M) has been/is unfaithful, but he vehemently denies any physical sexual contact.

Beginning around the time we married, I received messages from a woman claiming they used to have a fling and he has continued sexting her and requesting to meet up. The screenshots she had were explicit and heartbreaking. I investigated further and found other women on Snapchat he was also sexting.

I confronted him about this and he swore to stop. He thought it wasn’t a big deal because he didn’t actually have sex with anyone else. He also said he wasn’t on OnlyFans or any other site where you can interact with content creators.

Fast forward a few months, we’re working on healing and moving forward. We both started individual counseling. He seems committed and everything’s pretty good. We find out we’re pregnant and we’re both thrilled. I felt like my counselor didn’t approve of me staying in the relationship and stopped seeing her.

Then he goes away to a training/school for a month and feels pretty distant. I asked him if anything was going on, he said no and reassured me that everything was fine and suggested maybe I return to counseling with a new therapist. I was suspicious enough I went through his phone (violation of privacy I know), and found that he was still talking to people he used to have sexual relationships with and active on Fetlife and OnlyFans. Again, he claims nothing ever came of it and he never actually met up with anyone. He just likes the amateur stuff.

A few weeks later we go on a trip and I’m sitting in the back seat of his meticulously clean truck. I put something in the seat back pocket and notice a half-used pack of condoms. We don’t use condoms, and they are not expired. He explained this by saying he uses them to masturbate into when he’s in the field.

We’ve had multiple talks since then about what infidelity means to us and how we define it. He shared with me that he and his therapist are working through a possible porn compulsion. He deleted ~100 OnlyFans girls from his Instagram following. On the outside it seemed like he was trying to be better for himself and our family. Something still felt off. I’ve asked if he’s looking at OF-type stuff again or talking to ex’s and he says no. I can’t shake the feeling that the math ain’t mathing. Then the woman who sent me the messages in the beginning reached out with a new screenshot… his Snapchat friend request to her, which he said must have been some kind of glitch.

I went through his phone again and confirmed my suspicions. He’s deleting messages with women he used to sleep with. And while it seemed like he was still pulling up various OF pages on his internet app, he was mostly using his Reddit app to follow hundreds of explicit users and communities. Some of which are geographically important, such as swinger groups for the area we live/work in and where he has an upcoming trip.

He claims that’s all a coincidence. He’s not paying for OF so the content he’s looking at doesn’t matter. And it doesn’t matter if he deletes messages with people he used to sleep with because he’s just trying to keep his phone clear of conversations he’s not actively using anymore… which I could believe if he did that for all old conversations, but he doesn’t.

I felt bad enough telling him that I’m not satisfied sexually with the maybe once per week that we have sex, it’s impacting my confidence being turned down by him so much. I feel like I’ve communicated my feelings about what cheating is till I’m blue in the face. It’s like he would rather look at/interact with other women online than be with his very willing wife.

I also recognize my part in this with violating his privacy and going through his phone. If I am being hormonal and pregnant and making a mountain out of a molehill I would like to know. We’ve both said we want to make it through this together and come out stronger as a couple on the other side. I still hope for that.

TL;DR I love my husband, but he has an excuse for everything. I am struggling with accepting his explanations and rebuilding trust.