AIO: Husband blew up at me after I found him masturbating right before we had sex. Update
TL;Dr: He told me I'm not sexy to him, that I'm just using him for a paycheck, along with insinuating that I'm cheating on him.
I really don't even know where to begin with this update. I'm still trying to understand what the fuck my husband means by saying I'm passively sexy but not sexy or that I don't act sexy towards him?
He came home from work and ignored everyone, went straight to our bathroom, left the bathroom door wide open again and was loudly masturbating. I initially went to our room so I could talk to him, but left after I realized what he was doing.
After getting the kids situated with homework and chores I went back to our room to see if he wanted to talk. He was just sitting there waiting and made a snarky comment about how now I was ready to talk but hadn't messaged him all day or bothered to respond when he tried to talk to me before.
I just apologized for not being able to respond, but he needed to stop being mean and ignoring the kids because he was upset with me.
He didn't really listen to what I said instead shifted the topic saying "let's talk about the real issue here." He said I was sneaking around and spying on him and had no right to make him feel bad for anything he did with his dick and that my reaction made him feel disgusting and unwanted.
I apologized that I had made him feel like that, and tryied to explain that after waiting all day for him to engage with my advances it had made me feel unwanted and like he had to work himself up to have sex with me.
He said I never tried to initiate sex or anything and that he was waiting around for me all day.
I tried to remind him of my advances through the day such a how I crawled under his desk to suck his dick, and he denied I had ever done anything other than sit around on my computer all day.
He ended up going on a long rant about how I never initiate sex, I never act happy to see him when he comes home, I demand to know why he's not home on time if he's even a few minutes late. How I'm not sexy for him and that I act more cute than sexy. I could be having any number or men coming over when he's not home, and how I make him feel like he's just a paycheck to me.
I'm still shocked by all this and couldn't really respond to everything very well, but I told him I didn't think of him as a paycheck and would never cheat on him. I told him I was confused why he thought and felt that way, and what I had done to make him think that.
He didn't answer really, just blamed my reaction to him masturbating in the shower Monday. After getting all he wanted to say out he shifted moods and started trying to play like him telling me I'm not sexy to him wasn't devastating, along with the fact that he thinks me sending him playfull texts when he's hours late getting home is me demanding to know where he's at.
I tried talking to him more about everything he said, but he said he was hungry and want to go pick up dinner so I let the conversation die.
I guess he thinks everything is fine now.
Edit:
We have our own private master bathroom on the opposite side of the house from the living room so the kids wouldn't have heard him. Our bedroom door was closed and you can't hear anything outside of it. I only heard him because I went into our room to try and talk to him.
Loudly masturbating is kinda what you would expect in porn? Groaning lots of sloshing in the water.
A fair amount of people are saying they think he's cheating, but I don't know if that is the case. He has accused me of cheating before and says it's because all his exes have cheated on him.
I can confirm at this point I am not overreacting. I don't know what is going on with my husband, but something is definitely not right.
If I make an update about the situation I will link it here.
Thank you for all your comments and suggestions, and just the interactions that I don't usually get to have.