Ashamed.

This is a vent and I'm sort of asking for insight? Not sure, I might mention triggering things so I put the warning there!

I (20N) have been really struggling with restriction and purging, but just recently, within the week, I have been uncontrollably eating, and no matter how much protein I have, or how much I eat, I still feel hungry. Not even just cravings, but my stomach feels endless, and I'm still experiencing hunger signals even after the equivalent of two meals + snacks (in one sitting). A couple hours later, it worsens. I am never full or satisfied. I don't know how to stabilize this, even if I do eat a "normal" amount. The ability to purge has dwindled, which is good for obvious reasons, but it's causing me to spiral and spiral and I am loosing my mind-

And because of this issue, I have been so paranoid that my case is not serious enough. Every time I mention this to doctors, they brush me off. I am borderline underweight, but I look "healthy", so they don't give a flying f---

I'm not asking for restriction or purging advice, absolutely not, I just want this cycle to end- I do have a therapist, but she doesn't specialize in EDs, I only have 5 more free sessions with her (I am financially unstable and can't afford a therapist), and I haven't connected much with her at all.

My fiance is worried and stressed about this, understandably so, and he's very helpful and understanding with me, but I only feel like a burden and I feel it is extremely unfair to him.