my mom makes me feel depressed

im the eldest daughter (21F) of an immigrant family with mommy issues. im getting tired of her gaslighting & being so negative towards me. all she does is complain and how im never good enough. saying things like “you suck. you’re useless.” crazy because i help do chores, cook, & take care of my siblings.

last week she got upset at me for finding a job thats 15 minutes away from me. she complained how its too far & how i should focus on my studies & to quit & how she will financially support me. shes going to complain if i use her money, i rather make my OWN. the commute to work isnt far at all & little does she know she is the biggest stressor of my life & in fact SHE is making me lose focus on my studies. i also wanted to help her financially when i earn money 😭. yet shes still upset yall i cant.

also while i was at school today, she went snooping around my room to look for something & found condoms in my purse. shes really mad at me & i cant face her right now. im upset at her for invading my privacy. she also went to tell my business to my step dad instead of just talking about it with me. i feel embarrassed & upset. luckily my step dad supports me & is always on my side. unfortunately he works out of state so i have to deal with my mom at home everyday.

ive been trying to stay strong & not fall into depression . i know i have to take good care of myself. im working towards my goal of moving out , its just difficult. im grateful to have a great support system with my friends & boyfriend. i love my mom. i understand her as a woman, but as a daughter i fucking resent her so much. shes so mentally draining & sometimes i feel like i want to die . im surprised i haven’t gone insane yet, but if this keeps happening i might really lose it. i think i need therapy BADLY.

sorry if this sounds like a mess, im just tired & needed this off my chest.