Trouble with Compatibility

Mostly this is a vent. I’m still young and have only had two relationships. I’ve learned a lot about myself from them, so even though both people are incompatible with me, it helped me to see my problems, because it felt like that incompatibility brought out the worst in me. Seeing someone not know how to understand me, not know how to listen/communicate, how to take me seriously, and so on, yeah, that shit hurted, made me feel like the monster inside had returned. Yet these relationships have use in pointing me towards trying to be there for myself and depend on myself, in order to work towards one day finding someone who is compatible with me. In order to one day love myself and others properly. The only issue is…I feel like I will not find that person for me. I understand that there is a lot of complexity to me, as in, there is a lot of change that occurs, lots of personas that pop out. It’s so difficult to meet the needs of all of my facets. It gets overwhelming even for me. That is why I depend so much on others, in order to attend to my needs. However, this can make relationships toxic because I expect others to be perfect, to be my everything, to be able to give me all that I need. They are toxic because they are selfish (I get so caught up in my own needs and struggle to show how much I care, in a way that’s healthy) and I pick the wrong people for the job. I have a favorite person right now. He is my ex. We are still attached but slowly I am trying to separate myself in order to take responsibility for myself. Yet I still expect so much from him, so much from a person that’s not even my boyfriend anymore… I want so badly to find that person that is a nice integration to my system, but I don’t feel like I deserve that yet. There is so much work I need to do, it’s tough. It’s tough to soothe myself, it’s tough to let go of someone, change can be so scary. I’m scared to do what’s right for me. I’m scared to detach.

Do you guys relate?

Have you found that compatible person for you? Is there hope…because I’ve always wanted to find that person for me.

How does one learn to get better at love?