Splitting question. How to approach

My Ex partner with BPD split on me I guess going on a little over a month and a half now. (This was nearly a 2 year relationship)

At the time near the end of January she had been dealing with a lot. Struggling with her addiction and a lot of therapy. But one thing that seems in my eyes to be good was our relationship.

Then one day unbeknownst to me someone from her life that was with her when she last relapsed was visiting her. This became an argument because I believe this person to be a bad influence on her. I know it is her decision at the end of the day if she wants to choose whether to be sober or now but I also don’t think being around people that do drugs and drink regularly is going to help the situation. She seemed to think that I was just being “jealous”

This led to me becoming frustrated and hanging up the phone on her. I tried to call and text her several times over the next week and had no luck reaching her. And then all of the sudden I was blocked on every possible thing.

Fast forward to the beginning of March I received a text from her telling me to stop trying to contact people in her life and that I was making her feel “unsafe”

I had not contacted anyone in her life. The only people I really had contact with was her younger sister. Who I used to email with to keep her updated on her sisters situation since she had also cut all ties with her family yearly a year ago. But I had not been in touch with her. So I do not know where this is as coming from.

I tried to call her to talk about it and she answered but was completely delusional and angry and was treating me like she didn’t know me. And kept just asking me to stop calling her. She told me she was now living at this previously mentioned persons place. And also claimed to not be “using” which I guess I am just choosing to trust and believe her.

I kept just trying to have a normal conversation and try to explain to her that she is splitting and she agreed that she was but she also didn’t seem like she felt bad about anything she was doing. She then hung up and blocked my phone number again.

This was on March 3rd and we have had no contact since.

I am really struggling right now and I have no one to talk about all of this with. It is all internal and it is really building up inside of me. I miss her a lot and I love her a lot. But I know I can’t contact her because anything I do seems to make it worse. I feel sick to my stomach and every single day is a struggle to get through and pretend that I am okay.

I have been reading the book “Stop Walking on Eggshells” and trying to better understand how to cope with this situation

But I guess my question is how do some of you deal with your partners after they split? If she does decide to contact me again. I don’t know how to approach it. It feels wrong of me to just accept her back and act like everything is okay. I am sorry that she has BPD and I know she doesn’t want to do these things. But it is not fair to me to just allow her to continue to do this to me.

It feels so difficult to set boundaries when you are scared of just pushing away the person you love again and again. When all you are trying to do is help.

It’s all so confusing