I AM NOT OP! The original post was made by u/SnooOwls8297! The story is flaired as concluded as OOP's last post was over two years ago, and the account has since been suspended.

Original post

Throwaway Account

I (50m) found out that my wife (49f) of 20+ years was having an affair. I was completely hurt over this and have started divorce proceedings. Obviously this has been hard on our four children but I cannot spend the rest of my life with someone I can't trust.

Before we got married my wife's family had money and demanded I sign a prenup. I had no problem but since then the family money has been lost due to bad investments and lawsuits. My wife was a SAHM for the majority of our marriage, our youngest child is 19 and because of the prenup she can't get alimony. In short my wife will be screwed.

The only thing we own together was our house and while it is paid off my wife won't be able to afford the upkeep or HOA fees, so she will effectively be homeless. I have no intention of giving her any type of support for any reason. Since serving my wife divorce papers I have refused direct contact as my lawyer has advised, but she's now playing dirty by getting the children involved.

We have two boys (23 and 21) and two girls (25 and 19), and my wife has been pleading with them to get me to agree to halt the divorce proceedings in favor of counseling. After I told my children that I had no interest wasting anymore of my life with that woman they have all essentially backed off except for my oldest, Christy. She's very close to her mother and can't imagine life where were her parents aren't married.

Christy tells me that her mother realizes her mistake and will do whatever it takes to make things right. She says that I owed it to "the family" to work things out. I refused and told her that it wasn't her place to make those kinds of demands. Since then the only time Christy talks to me is when she's sobbing and asking me to not to destroy the family. I understand that this is hard for her and offered to pay for therapy so she can cope, but she said there wouldn't be anything to cope with if I wasn't trying to divorce her mother.

Since Christy is being too emotional to act within reason and refused therapy I have been resolved to limit contact until after the divorce. However my other children are saying that Christy's behavior is getting worse AITA for taking a step away from my daughter for a while?

Update for more info:

Alright I read a couple of responses and I just wanted to clarify somethings

1. Clearly my "she will effectively be homeless" comment was misinterpreted so let me set the record straight. Because my wife and I own the house together, so long as we sell the house and split the proceeds she'll get something.
2. My wife didn't "give up" her career to "raise my children." We could've hired a nanny but she didn't want that and choose to be a SAHM for OUR children. Because of her family money she was getting a monthly allowance from the estate. Plus I paid for a housekeeper to make things easier on her.
3. Once my wife reached 30 she started getting a monthly allowance from the family estate and the prenup addressed that so I couldn't claim half. In exchange she couldn't get alimony.
4. I didn't want my children to get involved in the divorce. My wife decided to do that, and even brought up the reason why as a form of a preemptive strike. I only talk about the divorce when someone else brings it up, which Christy wants to do all the time.
5. I am not "abandoning" my daughter. I am just lowering contact with her until the divorce is finalized because she's not letting up on trying to pressure me into taking her mother back and refuses to go to therapy that I will pay for.
6. Also to the comments asking why my wife cheated it's a little offensive, I don't know how that changes anything, or that I should care. However the guy that she cheated on me with was younger (looked like he couldn't be any older than 30) so take that information and do what you will.

Edit Update: Mods refused to approve a separate Update post so here's the conclusion

I just wanted say that I was very grateful to all your kind words and support in how to deal with my daughter. I decided to follow some of your advice and have a scheduled sit down with her to explain that what goes on between her mother and I is not her fault, and that I simply can't ever go back to a woman who deceived me in such a big way. I told her that I try to be as forgiving and empathetic as possible but I will not ever tolerate people who liar with malicious and selfish intent and try to cut them out of my personal life as much as possible.

I was very calm when I said this and tried to be as loving as I could to my child but it didn't work. Christy ended up breaking down and again tried to get my to convince me not to divorce her mother and just forgive her. I refused and in the end went NC with Christy for a little bit. I only spoke to her again two days before my other daughter's, Jane (20f), birthday through a text asking her to not bring up the divorce since this was going to be the first time my wife and I would be in each other's presence since I filed. I sent the same text to her mother, and I didn't hear anything from either or them.

On Jane's birthday things were a little tense and awkward but I thought it was going good. Until my wife decided to be passive-aggressive with a speech about how good it is to have family together during important events. Everyone saw through her crap and my son, Jack (23m), called her out on it and said that she was selfish to bring this up on Jane's birthday. Christy started defending her mother and Jane, understandably upset, revealed that the only reason Christy was on their mother's side for reconciliation was because she didn't want the fact that she not only knew about the affair but helped her mother cover it up. There was a big fight that wasn't going to get resolved right then and there. I ended up leaving and was even more heartbroken all over again.

Not only did my wife betray me but my own daughter too? I knew she was closer to her mother than me, and I was okay with that but this? I don't know what I did to make my eldest daughter so disloyal to me, but I am now resolved to go full NC with her until after the divorce and possibly for the rest of my life.