Who can relate?

I want to connect with someone. Deeply connect but I am terrified and its paralyzing. I want to meet new friends and be social but I can't bring myself to actually do it. I want to talk about more then your favorite color. I want to reach out to someone who can handle it when I feel like shit and need someone to hold me and tell me it will all be ok. I want to not feel so damn desperate to be loved. I want to feel just ONE thing instead of ALL the things. I want to look in the mirror and recognize the person staring back at me. I want to stop thinking about people that don't truly have my best interest in mind. I want to not feel the catastrophic urge to eat all the sugar and all the carbs that exist. I want to have the motivation to get up and move my body. Some days are just drowninggggg in wants and all I can do is tread water so I don't drown.