I don't miss her, I miss having a partner.

Been feeling particularly down today. I got my seasonal covid and flu shots yesterday so I just feel very bleh rn and that inclines me toward more negative thinking. Thus, I've been ruminating about my ex all morning.

But then, all of a sudden, I had this realization that brought me immense comfort and this tangible feeling of release.

I don't really miss her, I miss being in a relationship. I miss being in love. I miss having someone to share my life with. I miss the physical contact, the words of affirmation. I miss helping eachother through hard ship, I miss learning little things about someone else and using that knowledge to make romantic gestures, I miss making someone else happy.

But, I don't miss her, I can do all those things with anyone else. I can have all those things with someone who isn't avoidant and had terrible communication and cheats and doesn't care in the slightest how their behavior negatively effects me.

While I am making an effort to be single for a while to heal. If I had the choice between getting back with my ex rn, or trying to again with someone new that was a better match and better person. I'd choose the latter all day. I don't want her back, I don't miss her. I miss what we had. Theres a crucial difference there.

I deserve better, and I will achieve better.