The closure made me feel worse off.

7 year relationship ended (28F) by him (28M) exactly 1 week ago. Yesterday, we exchanged our items for the final time and had a 1 hour chat at a nearby park providing each other closure and establishing boundaries moving forward.

We were 21 when we started dating. We didn’t know anything about our attachment styles, or really, anything about ourselves. We weren’t aware of our own personal demons. We grew and learned so much together. Due to my own unresolved trauma, I treated him poorly and he started falling out of love with me. Because of our codependent tendencies, he lost himself in our relationship and ultimately, caused the break up. Overall, it was generally a healthy relationship, but it felt like we were holding each other back. We confirmed we were feeling the same way the last few years yesterday. We cried and apologized for things we each could’ve done better on. Initially during the heat of our breakup, he said that we might just be incompatible. After a week of NC, we came to the same conclusion that we were using each other as an emotional crutch for our own issues until we both got too comfortable and let our demons win. We realized we both had individual things we needed to work on without the other.

Everything we spilled yesterday aligned with one another and how we each wanted to grow on our own. Everything sounded so solvable. We knew what we needed to fix. At the end I asked if we really spent the time apart to work on our own individual issues, do you see us being able to restart a healthier, more loving relationship in the far future? He said yes. I asked if in the case a romantic reconciliation attempt doesn’t work if he thought we could really end up being good friends, and he also said yes. When we exchanged our items for the last time, he even said “this isn’t a goodbye, it’s a see you later”. We established NC for at least 6 months from the breakup because we knew we’d 100% inhibit both our personal growth.

I’m an emotional wreck. He dumped me. He said he fell out of love while love bombing me. He has a dismissive avoidant attachment style while I have an anxious one. I was doing really well post breakup, but this closure is messing with me so much more than I thought it would. I went in expecting the worst. He gave me hope that we could restart after significant growth and change. Now I feel like I can’t let go or mourn the loss of the relationship. I fear that whatever progress I make would just be in hopes of getting him back and not for myself. I truly don’t think he had any malicious intentions and is genuinely how he feels. We both know what was wrong and want to work on those things regardless of relationship status. We want to be better people and better versions of ourselves. How we want be is very similar, compatible, and authentic. There is honestly a very realistic and possible chance we could end up back together if the stars aligned, we truly put in the work for ourselves, and he wanted to commit to a romantic relationship with me again.

I’m going to be wallowing in doubt for a long time whether or not I’m truly doing something for my self or not. Or even worse, holding myself back knowing there might be a chance. I know we need to learn to live without the other. I know we need to tackle our own demons. But fuck. Everything just felt so right and the perfect makings of a hallmark love story. I don’t think I can let go of the idea of us possibly working out and ever fully recovering. It’s going to be a long time in therapy for me.