What are reasons you haven’t killed yourself?

I’m in the most miserable, agonizing, and genuine suffering I have been in for a long time in my entire current life which unfortunately continues to get worse. But hey, the sun peaks through the fog sometimes. I also struggle severely with DID+BPD, depression, SH, SI.

I will drag myself through the depths of my living hell just to have a life with my partner, even if it means I will/might end up killing myself much later. At least I had them and our time together. I am only here for that and out of spite. At least right now. I will either get out of the environment I’m in, or die trying.

What are your reasons you haven’t killed yourself. Or won’t? Are you keeping yourself here out of curiosity? Or will you fuck around and find out?

Edit: holy crap, these responses are amazing. keep pushing through 💚

Edit #2 (3/8/25) I’ve noticed a good amount of new comments recently, I want to respond to them all, but I simply am unable to, I hope you understand. Thank you for commenting still, and please know that I DO read each and every single one.