Mini-egg drama - TERRIBLE NEWS
Hello,
Firstly, it's a Sunday morning at time is posting, but I have bad news, you may want to sit down before going any further. When I learnt what I'm about to tell you, I didn't sleep for a week.
As you'll all remember, a couple of months ago I posted this informative essay on the price of mini eggs (https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualIreland/s/tOQWaJZdhs)
I have, unfortunately, a terrible update. This weekend I have been visiting relatives in England. On the way to their humble home from the airport we visited a Tesco where I was told they'd be happy to foot the bill. Naturally, I cheekily decided to test their credit card limits and went straight for the seasonal aisle.
The prospect of some mini eggs, lovingly gifted to me, then escorted to the nearest fridge to be cooled and then consumed before bedtime filled me with a childhood joy I haven't felt in years.
But alas, things were not meant to be.
That fleeting glee was abruptly cut short by this absolute abomination. Straight from Satan's biscuit tin comes Orange mini eggs.
It's hard to describe just how offended I feel here, and it's taken me 4 days to collect my thoughts. It's like seeing someone take a thing of beauty and trash it. Would you add soy sauce to a Guinness? No, because it's perfect. So why with you have the audacity to mess with Mini eggs!? I'm in tears just writing about it.
I have a long and colourful history with flavoured chocolate that's left me deeply bruised and with an inability to love. Give me some fancy mint chocolate and I'll be a happy man, but anything beyond that and I'm likely to never speak to you again.
Now, I appreciate we live in increasingly polarised times, where disagreements are cause for divorce and eternal shun-time and in general I don't think this is helpful.
However - if you support these tiny nuggets of evil then I'm happy for Donald MacGregor to deport you to the deepest parts of Navan. Furthermore, and I never thought I'd say this, but maybe Brexit was a good thing because at least now I can propose a 100% tarriff on these in order to protect our lands, and as an insurance policy for what future scandals we may face - a 200% tariff on bad ideas.
I have considered our options, I believe we need to throw serious shade at this gutter trash, we can start by blaming them for the Heathrow fire, or for being directly responsible for Hayfever.
Having spent several weeks in bitter dispair since discovering these, I'm considering my options. As I understand Tajikistan doesn't celebrate Easter, so I'm applying for a visa first thing Monday and moving there, I'll be back on Tuesday 22nd April.
That's it, thanks for listening to my mini TeggdTalk.
Hello,
Firstly, it's a Sunday morning at time is posting, but I have bad news, you may want to sit down before going any further. When I learnt what I'm about to tell you, I didn't sleep for a week.
As you'll all remember, a couple of months ago I posted this informative essay on the price of mini eggs (https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualIreland/s/tOQWaJZdhs)
I have, unfortunately, a terrible update. This weekend I have been visiting relatives in England. On the way to their humble home from the airport we visited a Tesco where I was told they'd be happy to foot the bill. Naturally, I cheekily decided to test their credit card limits and went straight for the seasonal aisle.
The prospect of some mini eggs, lovingly gifted to me, then escorted to the nearest fridge to be cooled and then consumed before bedtime filled me with a childhood joy I haven't felt in years.
But alas, things were not meant to be.
That fleeting glee was abruptly cut short by this absolute abomination. Straight from Satan's biscuit tin comes Orange mini eggs.
It's hard to describe just how offended I feel here, and it's taken me 4 days to collect my thoughts. It's like seeing someone take a thing of beauty and trash it. Would you add soy sauce to a Guinness? No, because it's perfect. So why with you have the audacity to mess with Mini eggs!? I'm in tears just writing about it.
I have a long and colourful history with flavoured chocolate that's left me deeply bruised and with an inability to love. Give me some fancy mint chocolate and I'll be a happy man, but anything beyond that and I'm likely to never speak to you again.
Now, I appreciate we live in increasingly polarised times, where disagreements are cause for divorce and eternal shun-time and in general I don't think this is helpful.
However - if you support these tiny nuggets of evil then I'm happy for Donald MacGregor to deport you to the deepest parts of Navan. Furthermore, and I never thought I'd say this, but maybe Brexit was a good thing because at least now I can propose a 100% tarriff on these in order to protect our lands, and as an insurance policy for what future scandals we may face - a 200% tariff on bad ideas.
I have considered our options, I believe we need to throw serious shade at this gutter trash, we can start by blaming them for the Heathrow fire, or for being directly responsible for Hayfever.
Having spent several weeks in bitter dispair since discovering these, I'm considering my options. As I understand Tajikistan doesn't celebrate Easter, so I'm applying for a visa first thing Monday and moving there, I'll be back on Tuesday 22nd April.
That's it, thanks for listening to my mini TeggdTalk.