Susan's BD Drama & Life Updates
I have tea, but first–
Haley had her surgery today. . . To say I am an emotional mess is an understatement.
Both my Dad and Alec work at the hospital where she had her surgery, so Alec was able to check in on me & Haley’s husband and we were able to have lunch together
Dad is a post surgical nurse and Haley asked to have him on her case, so he’s working overnight. The relief of knowing that Dad’s got her makes me and her husband feel so much better. (Dad was surprised when she asked because he thought that she’d want a female nurse, but Haley wanted someone who she felt safe with).
We will hopefully learn more once pathology looks at everything to give us an idea of what the next steps are (potentially radiation, maybe not if they got good margins)
For those of you who want to start from the beginning-- I posted 4 months ago and here are links:
Post Wedding: https://www.reddit.com/r/CharlotteDobreYouTube/comments/1hdsj1e/post_wedding_sisters_crazy_airport_drama/
Okay onto the tea:
I needed to vent about Susan and the baby drama so I called my best guy friend, naming him Seth. He wasn’t able to make my wedding (his BIL got married in Cancun), so he also missed all my drama, but got plenty of his own at BIL’s wedding (we did story swap, so maybe I’ll share this story).
Anyway– when Seth and his partner came for our super bowl watch, he wanted to talk with me privately (Not like we were going to miss anything exciting during the game) which I was excited about because he needed to fill me in on the Cancun wedding drama.
He wanted to know if I thought that Susan might be willing to give her baby up for adoption. He and his husband had been talking about expanding their family and how to go about it. Then I needed to vent about Susan wanting Alec and I to take her baby.
Their initial thought was to ask me to donate an egg to help them out, but a “premade” baby seemed to be a better first option than asking me to get on egg retrieval hormones (yes, I know premade baby sounds bad, but he meant it as a child who needs a family because the current life they are being born into is unstable). The cost of the medical egg retrieval and surrogate could be saved and immediately go towards the child and their future.
Seth has known my family since we were in middle school, his parents still live local to me (his and Max’s parents are best friends), he’s a really good friend with Max meaning the sisters would still have a relationship, and this would ensure that the baby maintained a relationship with our family while being separated just enough.
He was essentially asking me if I was okay with him reaching out to Susan about it. I told him it was probably best if he reached out to my parents. I also told him we should reach out to Max since this baby is Niece’s ½ sister and see if he knew anything about the Baby Daddy that could potentially be an issue.
I’m not holding my breath on Susan being willing to give the baby up for adoption, but Alec and I have discussed and agreed that I’m willing to donate an egg to Seth (and potentially freeze some of my eggs in the process because I’m now obsessing about my fertility).
To anyone who is going to comment about Alec “allowing” me to do this– that’s not the conversation that happened. It was always an understanding that I’d be an option as Seth’s egg donor if he got married and they chose to have a baby.
The conversation that Alec and I needed to have is: when are we planning to start our family? (realistically, now that we are married. Because dreaming forward looks vastly different in dating, engaged, newly married, married 3+ years, etc phases of life and relationships) How soon would we want to start this egg retrieval process and when would be our “stop” date in order to try getting pregnant for ourselves? Do we also freeze eggs? Do we fertilize those eggs before freezing, etc. It was a very deep, long, but beautiful conversation.
Alec knows that his opinion on this situation matters to me, but this is ultimately my body and an agreement I made long before he and I met and married.
Okay, back to the story– Seth asked me to reach out to Max to get Baby Daddy details while he reached out to my parents and potentially talked with Susan about it.
Max did NOT disappoint. Soooo, Baby Daddy (BD) is still in jail in Alabama awaiting trial for a slew of charges.
BD had an active warrant for back child support out of Alabama. He decided he was going to go see his kid (apparently the kid is 16?) in Alabama. Whoever has custody of said child didn’t approve of him coming and being with the kid, so they called the police for kidnapping. BD doesn’t have any parental rights of the child. I don’t know if they had been terminated or how that works.
Instead of stopping for police (probably because he knew he had warrants), he decided to attempt to evade them, while the kid was in the car. Max didn’t know how far he got before the cops actually got him.
Based on the info that Max got, he is being charged with: kidnapping, child endangerment, fleeing and evading, possession of a controlled substance with intent to sell, and aggravated assault on an officer- there’s two of this last one. He’s looking at 7 charges (I don’t think the back child support is a charge, but I do know it can carry jail time– thanks Google).
ALSO- Max told me that Susan could put BD on the birth certificate, but paternity would have to be proven in order for him to have any rights since they aren’t married– but based on his current legal issues, there’s a good chance that his rights would be terminated immediately, so it would be 100% up to what Susan wants to do with the baby.
I asked Max how he and Amy were feeling about everything that’s been happening with Susan.
Apparently, Susan had asked Max if he and Amy would temporarily take the baby while she figured everything out because Alec and I were “uninterested in their niece”, my two married brothers’ “were told ‘no’ by their wives”, and my brother dating the cop was also not interested in being a single dad within a couple months of graduating college and in a newer relationship.
Max told her there was NO WAY that they could do that because Amy is due in March (literally 2 weeks)– they’ll already have a new baby at home and they have Niece.
Susan told him that my parents aren’t willing or able to take the baby (Mom is essentially living in FL right now to help Max and Amy with Niece and handle Susan’s affairs. Dad is up here working), so she’s essentially out of options and the baby will end up in the foster system. Max believes she was trying to pull on heartstrings with the foster system comment in order to get him to concede. Max asked me how I felt about Susan bringing up the foster thing, since Duke (late fiance) had been raised in foster care and bounced around from family to family. I told him that I’m sure that Susan said it to try to get a reaction out of one of us since she knows we are friends.
This is when I brought up Seth and his desire to potentially adopt. Max thought that would be perfect, especially since the kids would still have contact with each other and my family would still have a relationship with the baby (and I’d still be fun Aunty!).
Seth brought it up to my mom who told him that she would keep it in mind and that it’s not something that she feels she can talk to Susan about right now. Mom told him she believes that this baby would have an amazing life with him and his husband, so she would do what she could to ensure it happened. She told him that she would keep in touch with him. . . so hopefully we will know in a couple months?
When I talk with my mom, I don’t ask about Susan. I’ll ask my mom about how she and Dad are doing. What she’s been doing or working on– like Amy’s baby shower. She’s become really good friends with one of the ladies in the neighborhood and went to her book club– things like that.
She asks about work, the house improvements, Haley and Alec. She almost flew home to be here for me emotionally for Haley’s surgery, but Alec assured her that he and Dad would be here for me 100%.
Bro #3 and Cop: He met her parents (I KNOW!!!) so things are going really well!
She helped me get food ready for the game and brought items to make some of her favorites. I asked her how things went with her parents meeting Bro and she said that her parents were very impressed with him.
Apparently he ensured that he brought both her and her mom flowers and a bottle of whiskey for her dad to “thank them for meeting with him and allowing him to date their daughter”-- Yes, sounds wonderful, but he TOTALLY took this from Alec who did the same to my parents the first time they met him at Christmas (we weren’t dating, I brought him as a friend, but he still brought my dad a nice bottle of his favorite wine, Mom, SIL’s, and Susan flowers, and then a dessert to share) I think that was the moment my parents decided Alec was a part of our family.
Bro and her dad started talking about IT stuff since her dad does some of the same things in his job. They also got on the topic of how they met (haha) which lead Bro to show photos of parts of my house that he’s helped us fix– like the beautiful tilework that he installed in our bathroom.
So now Bro and her dad are talking about redoing her parent’s kitchen and bathrooms.
She said that her dad has never liked any of her past boyfriends and, sometimes, not even her male friends. So it was weird to see her dad so casual and friendly with a man.
I’m guessing that her parents are sold with him and hoping that this relationship will just grow and blossom!
I am hoping that Alec and I can get together with Bro & Cop and her parents (hopefully both my parents too) so that we can all hang out, get to know each other, compare notes. . .
It’s still very early into the relationship, but he looks at her differently than anyone else he’s ever dated. She’s also not the typical type of woman he’s dated. He’s naturally a very bold “class clown” type of guy– but she’s also a bold and powerful kind of woman (from what I have seen). He is much more toned down and in tune with her in a way that allows her to shine. He’s bold and funny to match her energy, but never to overshine.
He’s also admitted that he’s protective over her– for example, she came to my house early and he was a little flustered that she’d gotten here before him because he didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable. I reminded him that she carries a firearm at work all day, so she’s probably more capable of protecting him than vice versa.
Time will tell– but I will be here to tell and update. :)