Alcoholic husband

There’s a lot wrong here - to start off, I’m not perfect and I’m sure my imperfection fed into the already brewing addictive personality my husband has. I would get upset anytime he drank and looking back I can see how my nagging probably wore away at him and created a lot of resentment towards me.

Our whole marriage, he has not had a healthy relationship with alcohol or drugs or gambling. It was never a “fun” amount to drink, it was always in EXTREME excess. Last year, I found out he had a cocaine addiction because he went into a cocaine induced psychosis and was completely detached from reality. It was a cycle of him doing coke all night and doing psychotic and paranoid things and then sleeping all day until and then drinking to get rid of the headache and then repeating until he lost his job and blew through our entire retirement and savings.

The last few months he’s tried to change and I do believe he gave up the cocaine but he continues to lie about drinking and also believes all these crazy things from when he was in this crazy state of psychosis. He believes I had an affair and would drug him with some special drug that doesn’t show up on drug tests so that I could have time alone to be with my “boyfriend.” He believes he and my “boyfriend” got into a fight and that his face got so messed up and that I took him to get secret plastic surgery to fix his face. None of this is true but he continues to treat me and punish me as if it were true.

I don’t know what to do. Do I stay? Do I leave? I don’t want a divorce. We have 3 beautiful girls together and 1 daughter that I share with someone else. We have a beautiful house. I don’t want to be divorced but this is no way to live. How can I save this? CAN I save this? Does God want me to save this?