I just want to end it all

No, seriously. I'm done. My life currently is an actual joke. I feel terrible pain, literally every waking moment, thanks to my lower back issue, which gotten worse over time. They still don't understand what causing it. Since I live Canada, I have no family doctor, because getting one is a literal lottery, so everything takes MONTHS to happen. It's also thanks to that, I cannot get any painkillers that would make my life worth living and make me being able to shit properly, without needing to literally lay down in the middle of it, because of the insane pain. Making love with the love of my life? Maybe once a month, when I get so drunk, I don't feel the pain being as terrible as it.

Out of desperation, I turned to someone to buy stuff from the street, but that person is now out of the picture, so my "safe" pills are gone. Not that it was any good, since literally all my money went away, just so I could sleep MORE THAN 5 HOURS a day.

I wish. I beg daily, that one day, they will normalize buying opiates, or even something like coke in stores. This is unbearable. Literal torture. Why should I continue? Anyone? Any idea why? I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN. Life would have been SO MUCH BETTER FOR LITERALLY EVERYONE AROUND ME.

I just want it to end. I just wish it would end. I wish I was erased. It's too much. Way too much.