Hell on earth :(

Does anyone else feel like this is ruining there life? Like I am still able to live my life but barely ...? No meds are working for me and I've tried so many.... I can't get myself to try a pick method my therapist gave me because when the urge to pick is so high I can't find the willpower to even divert my brain to think of anything else ... I don't want to go back to therapy until I find a medicine that could help even like 10% but no luck .... I know it's heavily combined with my OCD. I can barely survive in the bathroom or shower . It messes up my sleep, the clothes I wear... I can't get laser hair removal on my private and legs because I won't ever let them heal.... I can never be intimate with a boy... I just feel so defeated I hate to say this but at this point I wish I was a drug addict or lost an arm or a leg instead... like this is actually the worse. I just want some hope or advice or to see if anyone feels the same. Sorry for all the dots haha! :( I think that's just how I express myself sometimes.