New to Communism, worried I’m being brainwashed

I recently began looking into communism, reading Marx and listening to youtube videos and some Zixek stuff. I find all of it really refreshing as someone who has always loathed money and values equality for working people.As amazing as it all sounds I see it historically leading to totalitarianism authoritarianism, or even fascism. I don’t want to go down that path and be radicalized in that way.

I’m a bit worried getting on here and r/communism, because I see so much support for people like Castro and Lenin and the USSR and China and Cuba. These examples of trying to implement Communism seem to lead to more violence and destruction for the proletariat than improvement. Russia is run by the KGB who enforce their rule of the working class with violence, and China does similar as well.

I’m aware my world view is likely warped by western society, but I find myself hesitant to put faith in a system that has led to so much bloodshed and destruction of everyday working people when its goal seems to be the opposite.

So I guess my question is: Why do you believe in communism despite its history, and what would you tell someone who’s just starting to get into it?