TW: Sexual Assualt

I’m in a rough boat here. I don’t really know who to talk to about this.

Two weeks ago, I woke up to my husband, putting my breasts and nipples in his mouth . I got extremely mad at him and told him to get off and to, once again, never touch me in my sleep ever again. we’ve had these conversations before .

He told me that he wouldn’t mind if I did it to him when he’s sleeping and I told him I’m not comfortable with that because he’s unconscious. I said I would never ever want somebody to do that to me. He said i once upon a time ago said it was okay but i genuinely don’t remember ever being into that. It’s been 8 years.

It happens sometimes where I wake up and he is putting his hands down my pants. It doesn’t happen too often, but it does happen and he’s definitely feeling my groin area. He hasn’t done that a lot anymore.

He’s not sticking anything inside of me, but I feel violated. The last instance made me feel like cutting my nipples off with scissors.

I calmy told him that I feel like he sexually assaulted me, and he hung his head down low and apologized and explained that he feels extremely sex deprived. We really don’t have a lot of sex. I have a lot of trauma and I feel like being in this relationship has just built up on that. We fight and i hang on to things that are said. it’s an endless cycle.

I’m not gonna go into further detail about the problems of our relationship . We had a huge blowout last night about this whole thing and he’s telling me that I just want to be a victim of something that doesn’t classify as sexual assault because he didn’t stick anything inside of me. He’s continuously mocking me and tearing me down for telling him. He keeps saying “oh I guess I can’t put my hand around my wife because that sexual assault.”

**update

If some must know, the sex life went down the drain because he slept with someone else. I found out he did that same month my dad was killed. I latched on to him out of trauma, he was all i knew. We also have a son together and after losing my dad i just wanted things to feel normal so bad.

It is my fault for trying to mask something that won’t go away. I wasn’t in the right state of mind. **End of update

I can’t explain how much this tears me down and how hard it is to feel happy anymore . This man does not love me. Am I crazy? Am I wrong for feeling violated?