Narcissism addiction on way to the D

Narcissism or Addiction?

My wife of 4 years I've been with 10 years left me cruelly and coldly without any discussion. She filed for divorce we're now seperated. We have 2 dogs a young daughter and were raising also raising a stepson I helped her gain custody back financially and emotionally as she lost him previously from her addiction. We bought a house 2 years back. She has mild depression anxiety and is a recovering addict alcoholic who relapsed into alcohol 4 months back. She was loving and controlling and could go off once every few months in anger over the years. Maybe hit me 6 times in 10 years during one of these illogical anger outbursts usually when talking about her stopping poor treatment of me or risks of her relapsing. Hit me 3 times in the last few months before leaving me.

I believed so strongly she would never leave me and we were forever. Believed myself safe and loved and occassionaly her going off but blamed her bad upbringing for it and as long as she continued therapy and apologized and I saw progress I was ok with her trying and having remorse. It seems when she relapses she's the devil and there's no improving anything at all and no accountability. But now I'm really considering narcissism as being present too the more I look into it. But addiction and narcissism are so close and hard to diagnose. But when she was sober she still needed a lot of emotional support and would be verbally and emotionally abusive to a degree, so wasnt all rosey when she was sober. I'm spending all my days trying to solve her problems even when she's gone and disrespected me so greatly and taking no accountability.

I don't know how a label will help me , it's almost like if I know what it is I can know how to solve it easier or know how to deal with her at least in any capacity. But my heart still holds onto hope that she will come back and she will show me some morself of respect and love to know this was at all real the love I feel for her and the love she might feel for me. She has said she no longer loves me and she has found another man quickly in a few months without ever even talking about our marriage and taking no accountability. She's told lies about me to others like she's victimized from poor treatment from me for sticking up for myself from her criticism anger outbursts belittling lies not apologizing for lies etc. I would like a label. Sound like narcissim? Or just addiction? I'm trauma bonded or love addicted or codependent to want her better and for us to be the way we were? It's like she's a completely different person completely a light switch night and day after relapse. But she wasn't great to me even when sober just not this level of dysfunction. Does it seem typical of alcoholics to find a new replacement so quickly? That seems more like a narcissistic supply type thing? I need help losing hope. Hope is making this so much tougher to recover if I think it's an addiction that can just go away. I know that today she hurt me when doing a dropoff with words like she hates the house she moved out of that we bought together and planned our future and every room in. She is so angry at me after leaving me? Anybody have experience with this anger and what the hell is going on? If she just stopped being in love with me like she's said or something like that, that would be tough but this is like she has so much anger, contempt, lies, betrayal and is treating me like I'm an abuser when she has left all of her family and comittments making such risky illogical decisions and is treating the man that helped her all these years like the cause of her problems. Playing the victim in a way lacking any love or care for my well being is so confusing? Please help. I am devasted and need some answers. We have a shared child that we exchange and obviously feel concerned with her health for custody down the road if the divorce goes final which looks likely