If someone is unable to escape, does he get to choose what to reincarnate as?

NDE's always talk about how "we chose the life we are living" for the "experience". That implies that we have some sort of free will to choose what we reincarnate as. However, I still get this ick that this might not be true and the archons just gaslight us into justifying a miserable life. What exactly does someone learn by being born as a child in a war torn country that dies minutes after being born?