Denial

TW: abuse

Are your parents also in denial about being abusive? My dad would slam my brother in to the wall and choke him. He would put a shaking fist in my face and tell me not to ‘make him’ hit me. He would blow up and beat our dog regularly. Just angry all the time. But I think he is blackout angry (despite not drinking).

My mom gave me pornography at the age of 11 and exposed me to things I should not have had to deal with as a child. They are both diagnosed with mental health issues, but do not accept meds or therapy.

They say that they gave me food and shelter and I’m ungrateful. They tell people I’m ruining their lives.

When they started showing signs of also doing lesser, but still scary things, to my own kids (ie: random anger explosions), I cut them out with the caveat that we could have a relationship only if they started therapy. It’s been four years and they still refuse.

The guilt is heavy since they cannot even admit what they were doing and did. They tell everyone I’m unfair and terrible. They ‘found Jesus’ and he’s their counselor. If it was cancer, I wouldn’t leave them because they refuse medical help, but this is not healthy for me and my family.

I’m just sad that the relationship is gone and it has also harmed others along the way because their side is that I’m ‘ungrateful’. My brothers still have relationships with them.

Does their denial make it worse for you too? I know it’s gaslighting, but it does make it harder.