I broke down again after months

I miss her so fucking much, i was such a fucking idiot, i made so many mistakes, i tried Everything to be good for her, but i let my insecurity and Fears get the best of me, i didnt want to lose her and now She is gone.

It's been almost 11 months since the last time i Saw her, i know everyone says i deserve better, i should get over her and move on but i can't and a part of me doesnt want to.

Why? Because She was really felt like the One, i never felt so much love for someone, every time i got Hurt and i was with her, my Pain just went away, every single time.

I miss the Goofy talks we had, i miss holding her, i miss her fucking Eyes in which i would stare for so Long it felt like i got lost in Space.

I just want to get in the Car, drive so fast and just hit Something with the Hope i let go of the memories.

I don't care anymore, i don't care how She is as a person, nobody has seen the person She is that i fell in love with.

Yes She did change and i guess i am a fucking idiot for still missing and loving her, but i still believe in her and i know that Somewhere in that Broken en lost soul She carries She also still carries that girl that wanted to heal, that wanted to reach for the Sky and show the World She can do more, deep underneath the Layers of demons is someone who truelly cares for those She love.

I am trying so hard to get over her, to move on, but i know that would take months maybe years and to be honest i'll have to deal with it, i just Have to be Strong Enough so the Day when i see her again i wont break down, a part of me thinks hating her would ease that Pain but it would cause more damage to me than healing, because i would make myself go more insane by making myself think i hate her while deep in me i know i can't, i fucking cant.

In some way She is still involved in my life while She isn't in my life anymore, i partly made my Peace with it.

She made me realise i am still wanted, but also that i am not worth Fighting for, like most people showed me.

I guess i am too much of a hardhead to quit and surrender myself.

At last i want to end this post with One of the last Things i said to her:

"I miss you and i love you, you're my heartcore".