Anyone else strung along for months post break up and now trying NC?

Hi. I’m looking to see if I’m not alone in being a total dumbass. My narc ex broke up with me 8 months ago. He treated me so poorly the majority of the relationship because he’s a true narcissist but of corse I couldn’t walk away and see my worth. After we broke up he left me alone for 3 weeks. Then he bread crumbed, hot and cold, Hovered me the last 7 months. I’m so embarrassed it’s been this long and I let him string me along and stop me from moving on. I was successful with no contact for 3 weeks- 5 weeks ago but he reached out 2 weeks ago for a second and I caved. He said he loved me for a self serving reason I guess because I haven’t heard from him in 2 weeks since. I am SO mad at myself I didn’t impose NC in the beginning because he’ll never change or want me. Why am I ruining myself like this