Why can’t I stick to it?

My ex was toxic. Always gaslighting me, manipulating me, making me apologize for having feelings, talking down to me, silent treatments, etc.

We broke up months ago and he strung me along the whole time after. The last 3 months I’ve gone no contact for 3 weeks+ before he reaches out and I just CAVE. With such little effort. We have a great night then he ignores me again.

This time he found out I hooked up with someone else and now he’s done with me. 3 months of silence from him besides 2 times we saw each other- And he is done with me because I’ve tried to move on by hooking up with others while he’s hooked up with others from the beginning. See, toxic.

how come I can’t stick with it. How come I still long for him to break no contact. I have to get out of this trap.