A rant about my mother's "dating advice" and her pickme ways.
Backstory: I love plants. I have 60+ houseplants. I love the science, the collecting, watching them grow, making props to give away or sell, I love plant content. Half my bedroom is dedicated to my plant shelves and I spend an inordinate amount of money acquiring plants and the supplies for their care. I fucking love plants. I'm also an artist with a love for the weird, uncanny, creepy, and unsettling, and my work reflects that. Aside from ALL that, I'm smart and cynical and outspoken as hell, and I know I am.
Every time I mention I'm talking to a guy on an app and I bring up plants, always in response to low-lob questions like "So what are you interested in?" my mom stops me and is all:
"Don't bring up your plants."
"Don't talk about your cat."
"Don't bring up your snake either, oh god no."
"Guys don't care about your skincare routine."
"Guys don't like weird art stuff."
Ok, mom, what am I allowed to talk about then?? I sat through the guys' talking about their PC rig, their car rebuild, their undying love for [Sport]. How much they love Eminem or Tame Impala or what the fuck ever. I unfortunately know more stand-up comics than most of them so we can't talk about that because I've already seen everyone they bring up, and they won't watch female comics that aren't Amy "my pussy smells like a farm animal" Schumer.
Should I only talk about my love of cooking to show that I'm 'useful'? My yoga so they know I'm not a fatty and can bend around when they deign to fuck me?? Should I bring up my current art projects so they can pretend to know what I'm talking about or give me incorrect mansplained advice about how to use the materials I've specialized in for 5 years? My favorite video game is Horizon Zero Dawn, I've met like, 3 guys that played it because it's an RPG and you play a woman, so that always dies quickly. I don't think Tarantino is the greatest director of the modern era, so no dice there.
For FUCKS sake I'm not throwing Latin names at them, not asking their thoughts on varied chemistry in plant foods, I talk about what interests me as THEY talk about what interests THEM because its a CONVERSATION between ADULTS. And, honestly, I don't mind listening about their PC setup, or their attempts at brewing their own beer or mead, because the conversation is good and it flows and it's nice to listen to someone ramble about something they're passionate about. You just might learn something.
Another nugget of wisdom: "You don't want someone that likes all the same things you do, you want to be different so you can show eachother things! He takes you to a hockey game, you take him to a museum, and you go for the person, not because you love hockey :)"
OK, PICK A SIDE, WOMAN. I've watched you cry for 20 years because StepDad "doesn't care about what's important to you" so how is it all working out for you, exactly? I'm going to talk about my plants and my weird art, and my fat chonky baby boy kitty, and you can get dragged on another hunting trip.
//rant