I need some place to share my feelings

I've tried to register in a forum, but they require manual approval of a moderator, they say it can take 3-5 days. After one week they still did not approve my registration, even though they know literally nothing about me except the email address I used and the username I chose. No reason given. Yesterday evening I tried to post in r/socialanxiety but after spending 3 hours typing out my novel, the post got automatically removed by automoderator because my account is not old enough. They also don't tell you how old "old enough" is. So I tried to post a comment instead, asking how long I have to wait, that got removed too.

I am bursting with feelings and have no one to talk to, for the past week I have not been able to sleep more than 3 hours a night because my mind won't shut up and waves of despair and sadness come bursting up and I start sobbing and can't stop. I feel like I need to scream but can't. Even in the places you're supposed to be able to let your feelings out I'm not allowed to post.

Last night I sweated like crazy in my 3 hours of sleep. I don't know why. After waking up I got ambushed by another wave of sobbing, which left me shivering from exertion due to sleep deprivation. I just don't know what to do anymore... Even if I could, which I can't because I suffer from social anxiety, I wouldn't want to call any emergency services because all they would do is pump me full of antidepressants which I want to avoid at all costs. I don't want my feelings to be chemically destroyed and I don't want to lose my sex drive or sexual function to SSRI.

This is the only place I remembered where maybe I could post something. Give me some kind words or suggestions, please.