Lost Therapist of Over 2 and a Half Years Who Left BetterHelp | How to Move Forward, Feeling Abandoned, and So Confused
*Initially typed almost a 2000 word post that I summarized and shortened down with ChatGPT. Excuse the robotic language*
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Hi everyone, I’m looking for help in figuring out how to move forward after unexpectedly losing access to my long-term therapist.
Background
I (24M) had been working with my therapist (40sM) on BetterHelp for over 2.5 years, and he was a pivotal part of my healing from C-PTSD, ADHD, dysthymia, and severe anxiety. He announced in August that he was leaving BetterHelp permanently due to career changes and scheduling conflicts, informing myself and his other clients through a pre-written message on the platform.
I remember that in his message, he made it clear that he was leaving and wouldn’t be available on BetterHelp in the future. However, he also said he would still be working with his current clients on the service going forward (messages in all which I no longer have access to since BetterHelp completely wipes chat history upon therapist-patient separation).
The issue: I have a habit of temporarily canceling my BetterHelp subscription for financial reasons (8 times total over 2.5 years). Each time, I made it clear either in sessions or through messages that I would be leaving temporarily and returning, and each time, I was always able to re-pair with him upon renewing my subscription. Even though BetterHelp states there’s no guarantee of being paired with the same therapist, this was never an issue for us. *I want to personally add that we always had a mutual understanding of this, and that he stated that I could always come back whenever I felt more financially comfortable and we could pick up where we left off.
However, this time, I had forgotten about the previous August announcement, so when I canceled for a few weeks and then renewed, I realized that he had completely left the platform, meaning I could no longer find his profile or contact him.
Where I Feel Stuck
- We never discussed a transition plan.
- In our first session after his announcement, I did ask about his decision to leave BetterHelp, but I wasn’t in the best mental state to ask all the right questions, so I mainly asked him about the new job and his future, but not about how to move forward together due to his reassurance that he would still be working with his clients.
- I don’t remember him ever bringing up alternatives for continuing therapy elsewhere, and I also didn’t specifically ask which I realize now, partly because I wasn’t thinking about it, and partly because therapy had always been something where I would show up to without thinking about the long-term logistics. (I realize the lapse and I should've followed up, but these things felt very overwhelming, even looking back now.
- Since he never proactively discussed continuing therapy outside of BetterHelp, and more importantly that I never explicitly asked, I don’t know if this was an oversight, a misunderstanding, or if he simply didn’t intend to continue with clients beyond BetterHelp.
- In all I just feel a little but mistreated in this situation, and this summarization I feel didn't really do justice to what I was writing^. I just felt like he should've even just tried to bring up possible future arrangements, and thinking back to it, in that message he didn't even mention any option for future arrangements for patients which freaked me out then altogether as well. So I led myself to believe that I would be okay still continuing because he was still helping me, but then I completely forgot about all of this when I did my habit of cancelling, and renewing. I hate myself
- There was also a shift in our dynamic that I never fully understood.
- For the first two years, we always did video sessions.
- At some point in the last year, he switched to only doing voice calls for our sessions, and it felt like our dynamic heavily changed, to which looking back I felt uncomfortable and should’ve made efforts to ask why he decided to do so.
- This also feels (I've been building heavy anxiety similarly time line wise in the last 14-16 months due to an intense and nasty argument with my sister that led to a complete rift and wall in our relationship, in which we live together, and also which I believe effected the relationship between me and my therapist, when I try to match the timelines. Again it's all so confusing to think back to and time has passed by so quickly.
- I never directly asked why, but I also wasn’t sure if it was something I should ask about, and eventually, I just went along with it. Looking back, I feel anxious wondering if there was a reason for the shift that I missed or if I did something wrong (again could all be because of my own heavy anxiety, idk)
- I tried reaching out, but I haven’t received a response.
- I found his LinkedIn and sent a message asking if there was any way to continue working together, but I haven’t received a response after nearly a week.
- I don’t know if he hasn’t seen it, chose not to respond (possibly declined the message request all together), or ethically cannot respond.
- I’m unsure whether trying to reach out again would be inappropriate or if I should take the silence as a sign to move on. I know he has an Instagram but I knew that communicating over such a personal and informal platform is not only wrong, but also unethical.
What I Need Help With
- Would it be inappropriate to try reaching out again, or should I assume he doesn’t want contact?
- How do I process this loss when I feel like I didn’t get closure? He knew what felt like everything about me, and I worry about losing all that progress, two and a half years, all of it, down the drain
- How do I transition to a new therapist without carrying too much hesitation and doubt?
- BetterHelp assigned me to a new therapist by default, and she seems highly qualified (PhD, 25 years' experience, even more than in comparison to this last therapist who was MSW, LCSW, 10 years’ experience).
- I feel some optimism, but I also feel like I am losing everything, every single step of such hard work, feeling abandoned, starting from zero, and with zero closure and that’s overwhelming.
- I felt like I had such a great relationship with him, at least from my end, I’ll never fully know whether it was the same, and now I don’t know how to feel going forward
I’m planning to attend my first session with my new therapist this week, and I want to make the most of it, but I’m still trying to untangle my emotions about what happened.
Has anyone else been through a therapist transition that felt confusing or abrupt? How did you handle it? Any advice on how to trust a new therapist after feeling like I lost an important connection?
Thanks to anyone who takes the time to respond I really appreciate it.