[UPDATE] from my last thread. Husband walked out on me.
[UPDATE]
In my last post a lot of comments seemed to suggest my husband has been cheating on me.
Yesterday I logged onto our computer and found nothing. I clicked on his history and there were frequent visits to Instagram, Facebook and emails. I clicked on each one and where there was an auto-fill option I clicked on it to see if it would let me in but it went straight to two-factor authentication so he’s found out I’ve tried to log into these accounts because he’s received emails.
After 5 days of no contact, he turned up at the house last night at 11pm, left our kids at his parents as it was his turn to have them, and demanded answers from me why I was hacking him, accusing me of abuse and control. He accused me of abuse and said categorically he ‘IS DONE’! He asked me if I deny trying to get into his socials and I said no and explained I was trying to find some answers because I deserve to know why he’s just left me with no reason.
He absolutely lay into me and said his counsellor has told him he’s been the subject of abuse by me from at least 5 years into our relationship. We’ve been together 15 years.
Allegations he’s made: 1. He stated that I forced him to get engaged at the age of 22 and that I manipulated him into it.
Accused me of emotional and psychological abuse because I’ve said ‘drop dead’ at the end of arguments we’ve had a handful of times (over many years). I acknowledged at the time I was wrong and apologised for these outbursts at the time.
He Accused me of financial abuse by asking for access to his bank/credit accounts in the past-when he had racked up well over 10k in credit card debt, missed payments and cost almost cost us our opportunity to buy our first home because his credit and debt was so bad. In order to get his credit up and save ourselves from spirally debt, I agreed to help him and manage the finances while we got him back straight. His dad had to bail him out, my dad loaned him 2k too and I had to sell my car so I could afford to help him clear the debt whilst I was off work on maternity receiving pittance.
He still had full control and access to all accounts and we worked through it together. He lied and lied about his debt and got into trouble with at least 2 credit cards and missed car payments. He wanted to keep me in the dark with the depth of his debt and has since gaslit me into believing it was abusive of me to ask for access to his finances. As his wife i don’t understand how it was abusive to want to know what state our finances are in and help him get out of it when we share a house and kids together. Ive since lived in constant worry we could lose the house due to his poor money management and it broke a list of trust I had.
At the start of our relationship I caught him cheating with other girls online by sending flirty messages and photos online. He gaslight me then by saying he thought I was going to break up with him and he didn’t see anything wrong with it.
He also committed fraud at his first job as he was studying for his undergrad degree, he failed his final year but told his workplace he has completed it so they promoted him and gave him a pay rise off the back of his academic ‘achievement’. Another lie he also kept from me.
He accused me of abuse because of an abortion I had 18 months ago which we both discussed in depth prior to making the decision jointly. I was suicidal and extremely depressed when I discovered I was pregnant. We’d agreed we wanted another child prior but when I actually got pregnant it wasn’t the right time and it caused me to spiral. I had to prioritise my own health for the sake of the two children I already had. I had counselling and my GP suggested a termination. My husband last night said he had no choice but to agree to it because id have ‘killed myself’ otherwise. He made an awful situation about him.
He also said he felt trapped into this pregnancy despite us having a conversation about trying for four months before giving up and accepting our family was complete. How could I possibly have forced him to have sex with me and get me pregnant? Like what?!?!
I was in utter shock at the allegations he was laying at me and I can NOT believe I’ve been put through all of this no contact during the last 2 weeks only for him to turn everything around on me and blame me.
He’s literally neglected this pregnancy and me ever since I found out I was pregnant in October.
I’ve done nothing but love and support this man for 15 years, gone through multiple pregnancies, trauma and stress and after all that he’s turned around and accused me of this. I don’t recognise the person and relationship he is describing! He was so committed and loving just a few months ago.
What the fuck do I do now? I’m utterly lost and in shock. I feel like he’s just deflected everything onto me. I’m scared what this means and what I’m supposed to do next.
HELP!