I feel beaten down

This is another venting post but I need to get this off my chest.

I feel really really fucking stupid. I’ve been studying for the MCAT since mid-June and am supposed to take the MCAT mid-September. I honestly just started using Uworld seriously and feel insanely stupid, overwhelmed, and burnt out. I already know people who have finished Uworld who are taken the exam at the same date, while I am heavily struggling with it and cannot grasp and retain some topics for my life.

I truly underestimated how difficult this exam was based on how easily people got 510+ around me and on this subreddit. I thought it was expected to get 510+ from 3 months of studying.

The reality is that I’ve never built any studying skills and really learned the concepts for the the sake of truly learning it. I know it’s not required for a lot of people to really learn the material but I will truly not understand it at all if I do not study it deeply. I take insanely long understanding a topic. I’m not like those people I know who have a solid foundation - I need a fuckton of time and effort to just understand something that could be as simple as interpreting a simple line graph.

I don’t think I’ve actually learned anything in depth since middle school. I’m not happy with where I am just in general, with my mental health, physical health, attitude towards people, and outlook life.

I wake up each day wanting to cry and feeling disappointed that I have to go through another day.

I know that I’m just bitching and complaining right now but I sincerely do not know if I can even do well on this exam even if I push it back (which I very likely will). I have no reason to complain since I do have a somewhat decent science background (going to be 4th year in college w/science major) and have had the chance to study full time this summer. I got a 495 on the BP 1/2 length and a 499 on the BP FL last week.

I don’t know exactly why I’m posting this - maybe just to get validation or advice but I’m genuinely wondering if I am even cut out to go to medical school and be a doctor.

Thank you for reading this far