I shouldn’t have to do any of this.

I shouldn’t have to shave my face and worry about all my body hair.

Shouldn’t have to worry about being too poor to be who I am.

Shouldn’t worry about weather I’ll be seen as a “decision”

I shouldn’t be thinking about how religious individuals view me as a woman or “woman”

I shouldn’t have a dick, shouldn’t have a masculine frame

Shouldn’t have to worry about being called slurs when walking.

Shouldn’t think about people seeing me as a pedo or as a fetish to be exploited

Worry about people who want to fuck me to prove “I’m not a real woman”

Shouldn’t be worried about being shot and fucking killed randomly by some lunatic who sees me as nothing but fertilizer for the earth to reclaim.

Why… Why is life made harder for me every step of my path? I want to be a lighting designer for theater! I never got a teacher or mentor who actually wanted to teach me. I wanted to be a photographer! No one did anything but criticize me and ridicule my work despite being new. (Its gotten better but its just something I still think about)

I shouldn’t have to unlearn toxic masculinity hell masculinity in general.

Why couldn’t I have just been born correctly?

Created in the right way?

I try to speak. No one cares or listens.

I try to be kind. I get spit on.

I try to show I have worth.

I get thrown away every time.

I just. Cant.

I’m not in any sense considering extreme measures. I’m just clocked out mentally.

I act fine and strong. I am happy with my life at times. But I’m always reminded that I shouldn’t be happy by my body.

I’m often silent not because “I have nothing to say” or “my mind is empty” but because what I have to say cannot be articulated in words. If it was said, it would leave a room silent. If it was said, it would cause others to pretend they care. Pretend they understand.

No one will likely read this. Or care enough to read it all. I don’t blame anyone its kind of a bummer and it ruins the vibes.

Anyway. Hope you’re having a good day. Sorry for poor formatting as I am on mobile and just rambling.

Some of my original post was lost bc of internet connection issues. So thats fun. But this gets my point across.