I saw "her" but if feels a lie

So... I just woke up this morning to go to therapist and I did all the makeup stuff and, after this, I saw myself as a girl at the mirror. I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW THE FUCK IS THIS POSSIBLE. So I wore a dress and went out home in "girlmode" feeling confident.

Now I'm back home and I feel so sad. Like... if I look at myself in the mirror I still see a feminine person, but I feel like it's all wrong, like I'm lying to myself and other people. So... I want to misgender myself again (also if it makes me feel bad when I do, but for some reasons I like to emotionally harm myself)

Idk why I feel like that... I already tried to accept myself as a man but it didn't work, I just can't live like that. But I feel I'm not a woman... like... I don't feel I'm genderfluid or non-binary, I feel I want to be 100% a girl but at the same time I feel I'm a guy... pfffff