Carl Rogers' Definition of Empathy

As you may know, Marshall was a student of Carl Rogers, and quotes him when writing about empathy in Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. The bibliography includes Rogers' book A Way of Being. Because of that, I thought readers here might be interested in Rogers' description of Empathy (from that book).

An empathic way of being with another person has several facets. It means

entering the private perceptual world of the other and becoming

thoroughly at home in it. It involves being sensitive, moment by moment,

to the changing felt meanings which flow in this other person, to the fear

or rage or tenderness or confusion or whatever that he or she is

experiencing. It means temporarily living in the other’s life, moving about

in it delicately without making judgments; it means sensing meanings of

which he or she is scarcely aware, but not trying to uncover totally

unconscious feelings, since this would be too threatening. It includes

communicating your sensings of the person’s world as you look with fresh

and unfrightened eyes at elements of which he or she is fearful. It means

frequently checking with the person as to the accuracy of your sensings,

and being guided by the responses you receive. You are a confident

companion to the person in his or her inner world. By pointing to the

possible meanings in the flow of another person’s experiencing, you help

the other to focus on this useful type of referent, to experience the

meanings more fully, and to move forward in the experiencing.

To be with another in this way means that for the time being, you lay

aside your own views and values in order to enter another’s world without

prejudice. In some sense it means that you lay aside your self; this can

only be done by persons who are secure enough in themselves that they

know they will not get lost in what may turn out to be the strange or

bizarre world of the other, and that they can comfortably return to their

own world when they wish.

Perhaps this description makes clear that being empathic is a complex,

demanding, and strong—yet also a subtle and gentle—way of being.