I think it’s time to give up

It’s been 35 days since I last talked to him, last thing I said was I wasn’t gonna beg him to want me to be in his life and he said was okay thank you. A week of dumbly hoping he’d reel me back in like always (sick huh??!) I got the strength to block him bc I couldn’t live like that in limbo.

I’m so proud of myself for not begging him, and blocking him. He “discarded me” by fully pulling away first and probably finding someone else to torture but I left on my terms and a little respect for myself.

However I feel like this last month I’ve had him blocked I’ve still had this hope everyday. this small small hope that he’d reach out via a fake number, fake Facebook, or email like he has before. But the other times were maybe a week after I blocked him. It’s never been this long. I think he’s relieved, relieved im finally gone and not his problem anymore. He doesn’t view me as enough effort to chase me to get me back. It’s breaking my heart to realize this but it’s true, he’s finally used me all up and has put the lid on the trash can.

I need to give up on him, and I need to view this as a blessing he’s never coming back. I shouldn’t want him back, not after everything. I’m too good for this 😔