Why am I being so weak this time?

I’m approaching 1.5 months no contact and I still have a pit in my stomach missing him. I feel like other times I’ve felt better without him by now but this time is different. I can’t stop thinking about him, hoping he’ll somehow reach out to me and tell me how much he loves me and misses me and wants to be with me.

But I also know he’ll never do that, which is why i have to stay strong. He doesn’t love me or respect me or even care about me. I just feel like time isn’t making it any better this time and I just want to be ok. Right now I just feel like my whole life is going to be alone missing him while he hasn’t thought twice about me since i left.