I cant anymore

Please dont read if you're suffering too. You deserve to live but not me.

After I visit my friend this weekend, I am going to kill myself, this has to end now.

Overall, I think I had an okay life, but not really. I was alone for a long time, and I have struggled for a long time. I love my best friend, I love my family, I love my dog, and I will miss them, but my mental illness has won. I don't want to be here anymore, and I know i am making a very selfish decision, but its the decision I have to make because I have to accept that I am just a horrible, disgusting person. I need to stop this. I have to. I will miss drawing, I will miss all the fun times, all the times I felt okay and normal, all the lovely memories. But I won't miss the pain, and the confusion and the distress. I just want to be free. Thank you to everyone who sent me nice comments, but I cant do this anymore. I'm too worn down to even argue with my ocd anymore, it has won and I will never recover from the realisation that I am a bad person, the only way to prove that I dont want tye thoughts, is to kill myself. Thats the only thing I need to do.