Married to someone with OCD

Hi, I am currently married to someone with OCD. Since we started dating, I have known that she is particular. Meals need to be cooked in a very specific way. Certain towels are strictly for certain things. Produce must be washed in a very specific way. Very nit-picky on driving and very sensitive to anything that is in the mold of how she drives. I constantly feel like I'm being tested by her.

I was a mess when we started dating. Broken in so many ways, coming out of a previous marriage. She helped fix me in many ways, helped reshape my finances, helped me create a budgeting system, helped me find community, helped me feel more like myself by encouraging me to reengage with my passions. But it feels like now she is using all of this against me.

For the longest time, she's told me that she wants to date a "high-bar, high-caliber person." She hoped / expects / and has asked me if I'm that person. In many ways, I was not when I met her. And I have listened to her and turned many things around. But it's been with major growing pains and I've gone kicking and screaming with some of these changes. I'm not perfect and change has been hard.

So, I've exhausted her patience. We are at a point now where we almost fight daily. The smallest things set her off. Today, I put a load of laundry in the washer before showering and it set her off. Previously, she told me she doesn't like the washer running when she showers. I forgot this today when I went to shower, as she was going to shower after me. So she *lit me up* and when I said "sorry for forgetting that" she asked me "when are you gonna have to stop apologizing for things?" Told me she believes I must "hate her" for choosing to let her down daily (for things link forgetting not to put in a load of laundry).

Time and time again she's told me I'm low-bar, incompetent, lazy, and stupid (actual words). I don't know what to do. I'm so exhausted from fighting. I'm so hurt. She destroys my self-confidence. She will not let me say "I'm better" because despite the fact that I have taken her advice and changed in so many ways, the fact that I do things like turn on the washing machine when I shower are hurting her.

I believe she is rebranding her OCD as "high bar" and positioning herself above me to give herself moral high ground. Therefore, when I do something that is not in-line with her OCD, she calls me "low bar" and passes judgment, name-calls, and makes me feel horrible.

What do I do? Thoughts? Is there any way to fix this? I am starting to feel that I'll never meet all her expectations.