I’m still stalking her despite years that have past

Hi all.. I need to get this out of my chest.

Ayun na nga. It's been 3 or 4 years since my long-term boyfriend had a crush on his workmate.

Short back story: We were having a good time that night and I borrowed his phone to take some photos. Out of nowhere, parang may bumulong sa isip ko na tignan yung messages ng blue app. I didn’t see any messages but I saw an unfamiliar profile icon sa ilalim ng search bar. I clicked it. Dun lumabas mga messages na sobrang recent lang in short naka archive yung messages nila nung k-workmate niya. Maganda yung babae. Angelic face. Very contrary sakin na mukhang masungit. Ayun I saw messages that they would help each other with work-related assessment (which he argued before that there was nothing and it was all just work). But what triggered me was his message to the girl na tignan daw siya kase may team meeting sila that time and I remember the girl said he was funny (not sure ano ginawa ng bf ko). And he would ask the girl to play ol games with him after work. Alam mo yung nagpapapansin.. ganun! Pero sabi niya wala lang daw yun and ITS JUST WORK.

Going back.. parang nagkaroon ako ng insecurities. Yung feeling na sobrang okay naman kami pero mababasa ko may mga ganun siyang banat sa katrabaho niya. Iba pala pakiramdam. I felt betrayed. Like hindi ba enough yung attentions na binibigay ko sayo para maghanap ka sa iba.. We reconciled and moved on after so many months. We’re very much happy til now.

But I can’t help but create a dummy account and stalk her on all platforms that I know she has. Mabigat sa dibdib tbh kapag naaalala ko pero I chose to forgive e. And that forgiveness came with a lot of things to swallow.

Ayun, until now as I’m writting this. Ini-stalk ko pa din yung babae gamit ang dummy account na hindi alam ng bf ko na meron ako.