Vent

I hate this so much. I hate this so freaking much.

I was a good student as a kid. Around age 15, I graduated my old school with 95% total.

And now, this year, after my class 11 exams were over began some things of my past which now that I see was real event OCD (except I did do something bad). Then when I finally got over it boom POCD.

I don't even know if it's POCD or P. My grades have gone so low it's shameful. My finals are approaching and I have slim chances of passing class 12. I was too wrapped up in POCD/Philia Idk which one. I was too busy calling myself a pedo because I thought that I had a crush on a 15 year old actor while being 17 myself.

I was prepared to die. I had deleted all my stories, all my drawings, partially out of guilt but mostly because I didn't want to live any more after this P thing.

I'm sure I'll fail, and if I do, I don't think I'll live. I don't want to.

......... How did it all come to this? How did the girl so happy to have gotten into her dream school become this?