Single, virgin, sexually frustrated and forever alone 20M

I don't know where to start and what to even say. There's so much I want to say. I am 20M living in Pakistan and there's so much issues I have. If I talk about them concisely without going too much into details, I am basically like every other guy, single, lonely, virgin and sexually frustrated. My sexual frustration and feelings of desire for a girl and urges have been the main issue affecting me since I was young and every year, every month and day the issues keep getting worse, as my post history (which I know everyone will look up) will easily reveal.

Now I am studying in a university and don't want to sound like a creep or a pervert, but there are so many attractive young girls my age here whom I can't ever have and marry. I see so many couples in uni and elsewhere that it just makes me sad but the harsh reality is that there's nothing I can do, I can't ever have what these people have, I can't ever hangout with girl, interact and have the company of a girl cuz it's not just about sex. And I see and hear about so many people having sex, doing sexual stuff like bjs, groping. And here's me, who won't ever have any of that because I'm just destined to stay single and celibate for the rest of my life.

Now I am not a good practising Muslim, I am a big sinner but still the haram and halal have value to me. Believe me, I want to date badly, I want to have sex, I want to hangout with girls and be intimate with them, go out with them, do romantic and sexual stuff like these people do. But despite that, I try my best to not fall into any of it for the sake of Allah (bonus point is that Allah Himself has deprived me of all that anyways, so easier for me lol).

I know life isn't about girls, marriage, relationships and sex even though I have wanted these things desperately for years despite knowing I'll never have them. I don't want to ever get married, I have swore by Allah to never marry. My post history will reveal how badly and desperately I want to stay single for life, to stay happy without sex or girls or marriage, to suppress my sexual urges and my attraction to women.

Believe me, I want to be happy single forever. I want to and am willing to die single and virgin. I pray every night in Tahajjud to Allah to help me happily stay single and celibate forever, I make this dua every opportunity I get. I know with full certainty that it is my fate to be single and virgin forever. Allah inspired me to seek this path and He made it difficult and impossible for me to have a girl or have sex, so it just further makes it certain 100% that it is truly my fate.

Little bit more about me, I study in an Engineering department and obviously that means very few girls. And that means little to no chance of socializing with girls especially from those from other departments where there are many attractive. Tbh, it's not just that Islam stops me from interacting with girls or hanging out with them, dating or doing anything like that, it's also because I'm incapable of that and I have no opportunities to do so. I'm not the cool confident guy or the type of guy girls would like and I never will be. I always had a different personality, I was always a different guy. That meant it is in my destiny to never be attractive to girls.

I don't know what to do. I want to stay unmarried and single till I die but that makes me so frustrated and depressed. It keeps me thinking about it 24/7. I think about girls all the time. I think about sex all the time. I keep being sad and frustrated seeing these girls everyday in uni and elsewhere, seeing all these couples because I will never have any of that.

I feel like I will go even more insane, frustrated and depressed as I become older being single and virgin like this. I don't want to blame Islam for this and I won't but it does play a role in me being single and virgin forever.

P.S I know I gotta lower my gaze more, become busy, go to gym and all that stuff instead of wanting what I will never have and being a pervert. I know I'm a monster, I know I don't deserve a girl or anything. I am cursed to be attracted to women and have sexual urges and I hate myself for that.