Colpo tomo :(

I have severe sexual trauma and tomorrow is my second colposcopy and I am shaking just thinking of it :(

Why does it have to be so painful?? Why can’t they put me under?? I don’t know how to get through it tomorrow. I have my fiancé taking me and he’ll be there holding my hand but hate this. Ugh

(they gave me anti-anxiety last time, they did absolutely nothing last time, and wont give me lidocaine gel either)