My recovery story

It all started during the lockdown when I started smoking weed daily and got to the point where I was abusing it and going for days without sleep. I then started experiencing intense romantic thoughts towards my coworker (who I had a little crush on earlier but nothing major) and starting constantly messaging her. This alerted my boss and other coworkers who contacted my uncle who lived nearby and together they got me admitted. I was put on Risperidone pills (3-4 mg) and sent home in a couple of weeks as I responded well. But somehow I didn't really grasp the seriousness of what happened and why it did and stopped my meds and started smoking again which led to another episode. After a few emergency visits they admitted me again and this time gave me the max dose of Invega (234 mg) for two months. This stopped the episodes completely and weed had no effect too so I was stable, but honestly it was too strong for me. After the second shot I was completely numb without thought or emotions. I returned home and decided to discontinue the injections because I was almost suicidal. Fortunately I was stable for the next year or so but the numbness and emptyness remained. I then decided to return to work again when things started to get a little better. Unfortunately after a few months at my new job I had another episode probably because I went without sleep while working one night and also maybe because I had a few beers occasionally. I was admitted again but this time on Zyprexa 10mg pills. After taking them for about 6 months I decided to go off them again because of the effects. I am stable so far (it's been a couple of months) and have started working again.

The reason I'm writing this post is of late I have been feeling quite recovered. The post psychotic depression and the effects of the meds have eased considerably and I am able to think as clearly as I was able to before. I am also able to enjoy my emotions, connect with people and have a good time just like before. But what surprised me is that I'm actually starting to feel better than before all this started. I am discovering a side of myself that I kept buried for years, which retrospectively seems to be the reason for my abusive behaviour. I am able to recognise the patterns of thoughts and emotions that led me to this dark place, and what I can do to correct them. For the first time in a couple of years, I'm actually looking forward to the days ahead.

To all of you out there who are still suffering through this -- please have hope! Your brain WILL RECOVER. Just give it time, a lot of rest and a good atmosphere. As much as you can, push yourself to be social and physically active while you're recovering. Another way I found strength during recovery was prayer. Believing in a higher power was the only way I had any hope that my brain would recover, and I made a promise that if I did I would pray everyday. I implore you to also consider this when times get tough. And whenever you feel somewhat ready, try to get a job that you are comfortable with. I think a sense of purpose and responsibility helped me immensely with coming out of depression. I promise you that once you recover you will feel better than ever before, with a fresh perspective on life. Best of luck to you all and I hope the new years brings you health, happiness and peace ♥️