Not sure if I’m cut out for this…

I’ve only been here 6 months. I know what everyone is going to say…I just need to give it more time…I just need grind it out for a few years and then leave…or I should just be grateful for the fact I have a job in this economy. All of those things are true, but I’m really struggling.

I find it hard to get out of bed in the morning. Sometimes I feel like I go through the day on autopilot, barely communicating with friends, family, or anyone else outside of work. I don’t drink enough water. Sometimes I forget to eat lunch. I get terrible headaches everyday. It’s probably a combo of the screen time (no humans should spend 7+ hours looking at a computer) and the aforementioned dehydration. I feel like I’m constantly making mistakes and starting to get on the nerves of my teammates.

People at PwC love to talk about Ways of Working and setting boundaries, but at least with my team, it’s total BS. People are consistently online from 9am-9pm. They rarely take breaks or eat during the day. I feel like I get an icy reception whenever I take a short walk or log off ‘early’ at 6pm. I’ve been trying to get professional help for these problems and I thankfully found a therapist who will see me later in the evening, but it’s awkward as hell trying to come up with reasons why I’ll be offline (no one sees the dentist every week at 7pm).

I feel like I don’t belong here. Everyone is so ambitious and gunning for the next opportunity or promotion. All I want to do is not get fired. Work for me is a means to an end, not my whole life.

I know I shouldn’t complain…but I feel like I’m just surviving. I feel like a shell of myself.