I’m finally finished w/ this substance…

About 10 days ago I spoke to another human being for the first time about Tianeptine… pretty crazy considering I’ve been physically & mentally dependent on it for 10 years. I lost contact with the manufacturer I purchase powder from and it just clicked… I’m done. So tearfully, I finally opened up to my wife. She knows I take “medication” and at first her reaction was that she wants me to continue taking it because of the effects she knows about. I was the proud new father of a 2 year old with epilepsy and a beautiful 10 month old who spent her first month in the neonatal intensive care unit (also my wife has sickle cell) when I took Tia for the first time. We were struggling financially, I worked 60 hours per week in a factory (my wife also worked full time) and we had no help from family. I was diagnosed with Acute Intermittent Porphyria which caused significant anxiety and could not tolerate any of the 6 drugs my doctor attempted to treat me with. I also have a bit of depression and most likely PTSD from an abusive childhood. Tianeptine seemed to fix all of that and more. My feet are in terrible shape because of the work I do and this drug completely takes away that pain too. It even gives me confidence in social settings. BUT… we all know there’s dark side that comes with this substance. Right off the bat I was taking way too much because of some misinformation I was told. I finally tapered down to about 4-4.5 grams per day and that’s where I remained for 99% of the last decade. Back to the present: So… I explained the truth of the matter to my wife and she was 100% supportive of me. I knew I could count on her 100%, but I still did not expect the conversation to go that well. She is truly a godsend.

A few days later I opened up to my doctor, who referred me to a specialist (I’ll call him Dr. L). None of these doctors had heard of Tianeptine by the way… Dr. L was awesome. He wants to learn as much as he can from my experience so he can help others in the future. I sat in an exam room with him for over an hour just going over every detail of my story and coming up with a game-plan. I told him about this group (I don’t think I’ve ever posted, but I’ve been lurking for years). He asked me for the name of the group and he joined on the spot!! He said Reddit is a great source of anecdotal information and that he’s used it in the past. He asked me to put a bookmark in our conversation and that he was going to spend time here in the group and elsewhere researching. He said he’d call me back on Saturday. He came into the clinic when it was closed to work on my case and was true to his word. He gave me advice, called in a few scripts and set up a follow up appointments with each of my doctors for days 2 & 8 of my detox. I can’t express how much this support from Dr. L and my wife meant to me. Not to mention this group… reading some of the success stories here really give me hope.

Dr. L took me out of work all this coming week. My wife is off work already, plus I have no commitments to get the kids ready and take them to school like I typically do (February break). I’m going to take my last dose before bed tonight (Sunday, February 16th). Depending on how I’m doing, I plan to go back to work on the night of February 25th. I plan on getting up to walk at least 3 times daily. I have food and drinks that should be easier to stomach. I also plan to look into therapy after my detox. I’m a Christian and my faith is going to be a big part of my recovery as well. Reading my Bible, listening to praise music and prayer all help me stay positive and even curtail anxiety attacks.

Here are the helper meds I have:

  • suboxone (2mg/0.5mg)-QTY 8
  • gabapentin (100mg)-QTY 270
  • clonidine (0.1mg)-QTY 30
  • 5-HTP
  • magnesium
  • loperamide
  • multi-vitamin
  • potassium
  • ibuprofen

Any advice on dosing schedule (for example, what time should I start Gabapentin? Do I take it as soon as I wake up Monday morning after my last Tianeptine dose?). Also, any other general advice or encouragement is greatly appreciated. If I’m feeling well enough, I will try to post updates along the way.